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Hatred and ForgivenessPLEASE READ DESCRIPTION BEFORE READING PIECE
God? It’s me again
I know I know I’m sorry
Thank you for today and I’ll have to ask for Your forgiveness again
No matter how hard I try, I still hate her
Lord, I’m sorry, please forgive me for this
I simply can’t help but look at her with loathing
While she’s combing her hair and trying so hard every morning
Sometimes avoiding breakfast because she doesn’t have time
And sometimes because I tell her it’s not worth it …
I hate how she carries herself and ignores the blessing of life
I hate every moral and law and justice she holds
I hate how incredibly and undeniably weak she is
I hate how she pushes away open arms
I hate how she slumps from bed to school to home day in and day out
For lunch she has a sandwich with holy grained bread and reads your bible
She drinks lies and deceit and sometimes it’s me that spoon-feeds problems to her
When she gets tired, it’s me that te
Diary of Jacob Abbott (p8)June 30th, 1812
I have been wounded. So forgive the form of this journal.
A ship escaped the harbor we were watching. General Smith called for another crew to take it down, but after awhile we heard no reply. He decided to go after the ship himself. So we set a full sail forward towards the escapee, and got close enough to fire at them. We hit their ship and they turned to side along us, boarded our ship, and attacked. General Smith ordered all men on deck, regardless of health condition, to fight. Some were sleeping from their night shift. Some were seasick beyond mobility. But we still fought.
I watched as the crew fell into pools of blood. I was up against a thick man with a massive underbite. He lunged at me and I toppled over a crate, narrowly avoiding his sword. I blindly swung out and struck something, took the opportunity, and scrambled away. But I got no more than a few steps before I felt him come up behind me and push me, sending me towards the railings of the deck. I
Diary of Jacob Abbott (p7)June 16th, 1811
Happy new birthday to me. I say 'new' because I feel like a different person. Training changes you. Perhaps it is not a 'better' change, but it is still a very nice change that I embrace wholeheartedly. My hair has been shaven off, not just cut. It's like a bristle brush has poked its way up through my scalp. I'm still the same height I was before (nowhere near as tall as Scott) but now there is muscle where I didn't think possible. If the opportunity were to arise at any moment, it would be a fair fight between Phillip and I. I surprise myself with the strength I've gained and, to date, I've broken several pencils in the process of trying to draw once again. Of course that was an accident. Had Lorie been beside me, she'd scold me for not being very gentle. My artist-block is still with me. How do they expect me to serve a term of war on a ship when I can barely survive two months?
Rather than watching shirtless men drag their way under barbed wire, hurl themselves over
Diary of Jacob Abbott (p6)January 1st, 1810
Two men in uniforms appeared on my doorstep at about 10 AM yesterday.
One man was decorated like a Christmas tree in ribbons and metals. He looked to be about 60, but as lethal as a black bear. I could tell that his eyes were probably once very gentle and warming, but since his experience they turned very hard and serious. I pity that man's grandchildren …
The second man was younger but looked serious and over-confident. He held out a roll of parchment for me. Had there not been two men larger than I standing in front of me, I would have slammed my door. I took it, however, and unrolled it slowly. To my horror, it was conscription for the Navy. It detailed the win over the seas five years ago, and that the main objective of the Royal Navy was to prevent weapons of mass destruction and supplies from going to the Americans. It didn't surprise me that the citizens of the United States were still bitter. Had I been in their position, I would too.
I apologized to
Diary of Jacob Abbott (p5)July 4th, 1806
We have sighted British North America! Oddly enough, this sighting was during night. The lookout in the tower called to the rest of us that at the front of the ship there were lights. We had to do a great bit of squinting, but sure enough we saw small lights shoot into the sky. It seemed as if they were celebrating our arrival! But I know that's a fabled dream. America had removed itself from our British Empire years ago … and I heard that recently we had conquered the seas … So the lights in the distance are, if anything, trying to ward us away. I'm sure someone would have sighted a ship on the horizon …
July 6th, 1806
We have arrived to the new land!
July 16th, 1806
Lorie and I have found a very nice home here in British North America. We were placed in a small cottage that sits at the edge of a cliff, overlooking a very large field. They tell us that this is the furthest in-land they've gone so far, and if there are problems with our 'neighbors' we should let them kno
Diary of Jacob Abbott (p4)June 16th, 1806
Happy Birthday to me!
June 22nd, 1806
Get me off this ship.
June 24th, 1806
It's been a month since our dreadful departure. I say dreadful now because the people and the life of this ship have sickened me. There have been few more deaths and the bodies have all been deposited in the same crude manner. Very few tears are shed in the process, and for some odd reason it seems that I'm the most disturbed member of this ship! Not even Lorie is as bothered by the attitude as I am…
The attitude of the crew is still fairly optimistic and cheerful. Captain Gilbert says we will arrive in another 10 days, if the weather remains to be in our favour. When I questioned the logic of that statement, for we have gone through 3 storms total (neither of the following two had been as bad as our first) and been lead off-course once. He replied that on some voyages they spend months at sea due to unlucky weather and charting. Once he spent half a year on the water, losing most of his crew an
Diary of Jacob Abbott (p3)June 1st, 1806
Whatever Lorie had has passed on to the rest of the crew. I've been 'sick in bed' for the last few days now… I say 'sick in bed' because it's far from a bed, and seemingly worse than simply being 'sick'. It's an awful pain that sits in my stomach and forbids me to eat anything, and it's a thin, cold hammock that provides very little comfort, let alone warmth. Needless to say, I miss my bed, pillows, and fireplace.
Lorie is more or less over the sickness now. She still has a motion-sickness but she says it's bearable. Now she's taken the job of being the gentle midwife that cares for everyone in the house. Or, in this case, the ship. The crew has taken a liking to her, which is a sheepish tension, for at the beginning of our voyage they were remarking upon the unluckiness a woman brings to a voyage. But that is just a myth spread about by pirates and the like, and thus far she's been far from unlucky. In fact, Lorie's brought us luck with her knowledge of health and treat
Diary of Jacob Abbott (p2)May 18th, 1806
Good Lord I had lost this small book about a week after I wrote that ^(previous diary entry)^ in it. Who knew that cleaning out your room could harbor such precious gifts?
I leave in a week for British North America, a new land overseas. My fiancée, Lorie, is coming with me as well. Perhaps I'll keep this little book with me to document my journey. I'm sure it'll be interesting to someone. And this way I won't need to recall every detail when I visit my parents at next year's Christmas.
May 27th, 1806
We explored the ship from top to bottom yesterday, and the day before was when we boarded. Lorie's got a sea sickness now, so the next 40 days are going to be difficult for her. The food on board has been very good so far (for sea-faring food.) Lorie says the water makes her sick, but I have honestly never seen a more captivating and beautiful sight than the sun setting at the end of the ocean. If only Lorie could see such a sight – perhaps the waves would seem more intrigu
Diary of Jacob AbbottJune 16th, 1803
Today marks my 16th birthday. My parents gave me this journal in hopes that I open up to someone. If that is the case, then this blank book is pointless. It can't talk back to me. It is incapable of understanding, or feeling, or any emotion for that matter, because IT IS A BOOK. But I accepted their gift nonetheless – I'm grateful that they bought something so expensive. Very few farmers have enough money to buy the bible, let alone 50 blank pages binded together. But father works very hard in the field, and it clearly pays off well.
My name is Jacob Abbott. I'm an average sized male, at about 173 cm tall. I have light blue eyes and dark brown hair that is almost past my ears now. It keeps getting caught in my eyes, but I insist to my parents that it doesn't need to be cut, and I will avoid mother if I see her walking through the house with a pair of scissors. Her name is Mary Abbott, and she was married to my father, Carl Abbott, in 1785. I was raised under the morals
PromiseIt’s funny how life works, the way it can turn on a dime and completely change in the blink of an eye. I’m not sure where I’d be standing right now if I had turned left instead of right, what I’d be thinking or feeling if you had chosen down instead of up. I’ve never been sure of fate, of the concept that there is a plan or a reason for everything. It always seemed too inhibited that way, like I didn’t have a choice in where my life went. The closest I ever came to really buying fate was the idea that we are bound to come to certain crossroads and to make certain decisions in life, but that each decision was ours to make and based upon that decision we would come to another crossroad. I came to one of those decisions the first time I ever laid my eyes on you.
I remember it, very clearly. I remember where you were standing, I can sort of remember what you were wearing. Things were different then and I didn
A quick message to all you ''S I C K .'' fans.Those of you who were following my journals and personal life while I was working on my Slenderman fan fiction know that during that time, a lot of seriously strange things started happening to me. My psyche was beginning to slip, I was showing symptoms of "Slenderman Sickness" before I even knew what the hell it was, and nightmares happened too often for comfort. My vlogs had random bursts of digital (visual) static, which should have NEVER happened because I use an iPad to record and upload my videos to YouTube. They just don't do that.
Justin became worried about my deterioration. We had a little talk and decided I should put away my story and all the research I was doing for a while. Things were great. I got a rather annoying cold that kept me lying down for a while, but besides that, I was doing better. My psyche returned to normal, and I didn't have any more nightmares. To be honest, I wasn't going to go back and finish that story.
I just woke up from a nightmare
This is a journal and I know most of you don’t read my journal but this is important. I will not be able to post any deviations for the next three weeks. I have finals in one and a half weeks and they are hard test. I also am going to have a quiz or test every other day until finals. So you can stop reading here if you want if you want to know why I am going to be inactive.
I am currently going to be busy for the next 3 weeks before, after school and weekends. I am so stressed to the point of crying which I am surprised that I haven’t started crying yet. I feel very depressed right now and so my friend on dA that is my friend at school don’t tell anyone. My grades have dropped slightly and I don’t know why because I have been working harder, so now everyday until break I will be working during my lunch to get them back to my normal high A’s. I usually work during lunch but take my time; but now I have to remake about 4 assignments that take
NEW! Commission PricesI'm trying to get myself something for Christmas for D.A. Its a badge from callykitty I really want one, So please help my Christmas wish came true.
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30 Days, 30 Letters: Days 22, Letters 22A letter to someone that I wish I could give a second chance.
December 1, 2013
The letter hates me. I don't what to take about her. Even if I would want to give her a second chance because I don't what it to happen again. Sooooo, ya.
Jack Frost loves meSo I've decided Jack Frost loves me……. how can I tell? Well it's so cold that every time my mouth is exposed I can't breathe. The only logical explanation? Jack Frost keeps trying to french kiss me. haha! owo I'm ok with this. I love him and winter. I just wish he'd quit riding the winds so much……. It's getting really bitter cold here.
Froaky journal oneDay ?
I'll call it 12.
Shiny froaky hatch hunt.
I've decided to keep a journal on my quest for hatching a shiny froaky.
So far I've filled up multiple boxes, and it seems as if the Masuda method hates me.
Today my brother sent me a long awaited palpitoad and most of my pokemon are infected with pokerus. I should be ecstatic but there's still that sense of emptiness that comes with unachieved goals.
I swear to go, if my shiny froaky hatches female, I'll go postal.
SistersI was cruelly reminded of how different I am from mine.
Perhaps I was in the wrong to disturb her, while she furiously ran her fingers across the keyboard for the sake of a report paper, but through my own excitement of a personally significant event I couldn't help but to tell someone, to tell her. I began as soon as she hit a break in her keystrokes, yet just when I began to speak she interrupted me with a story of her own, starting with something one of her professors had done as a gag earlier that day. I grew annoyed, and countered her, arguing that since I had spoken first she should be able to wait until I finished.
"But it isn't important."
I became irritated still, though I had shared the same disinterest since the beginning of her tale.
"Neither is yours." I left the room before she had a chance to finish.
We never were really alike at all, be it in looks, personality, interests or pursuits. The outcome of that conversation was to be expected, perhaps.
I still feel rude for wa
-30days- Day 9
Day 9 How you hope your future will be like.
Well, lots of Doctor Who, lots of concerts, lots of cats, and lots of love.
Honestly I don't really like to look too ahead into the future. Because the one day I've been waiting weeks and weeks upon arrives, and I look back and think 'wow I really didn't do anything special while waiting'. So live each day like your last, don't look back unless you're prepared to bring up regrets and burden yourself, and don't look incredibly into the future unless you honestly have nothing to live for tomorrow :3
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More